For many Americans, Memorial Day means cookouts, a long weekend, and the unofficial beginning of summer. But for many veterans, surviving service members, military families, and friends, this day carries something much heavier.

It carries grief.

Memorial Day is meant to honor military personnel who died while serving our country. That remembrance is important. But alongside the ceremonies, flags, and tributes, we also need to recognize the emotional pain this holiday can bring to those who continue living with loss every day.

For many veterans and loved ones, Memorial Day can intensify grief and trigger PTSD symptoms. Anniversaries, patriotic ceremonies, military tributes, certain conversations, or even sounds and images connected to service can reactivate painful memories. Some may experience increased irritability, sleep disturbance, intrusive memories, survivor’s guilt, anxiety, or heightened startle responses.

Grief does not disappear simply because the calendar moves forward.

When someone dies during combat or military service, the grief experienced by family and friends can feel especially complex. Many surviving loved ones are surrounded by people expressing gratitude for their family member’s service and sacrifice. For some, those words bring comfort and pride. For others, they may deepen feelings of anger, sadness, or frustration — thoughts like, “It did not have to happen this way.”

There is no “correct” way to grieve.

No matter how a loved one dies, the pain of their absence is real and deserving of acknowledgment.

For families who have lost someone in service, Memorial Day can also feel isolating because of the contrast between personal grief and public celebration. While many people spend the holiday at beaches, barbecues, or gatherings, others experience it as a sacred day of remembrance, reflection, and mourning.

That difference matters.

Your experience on this day matters.

It can be tempting to ignore difficult emotions and push through the day like everyone else. But grief often finds a way to surface when it is left unaddressed. It can quietly take over emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Losing a loved one — or witnessing death during service — leaves a heaviness that does not simply disappear.

If this Memorial Day feels especially difficult, here are a few ways to care for yourself and stay grounded.

Pause and Name What You’re Feeling

Take a moment to stop and reflect. Ask yourself what emotions are showing up. Is it sadness? Anger? Frustration? Numbness? Nostalgia? Simply naming emotions can help reduce their intensity and create space to process them.

Journal for a Few Minutes

If you are able to, spend a few minutes writing about your thoughts, feelings, or memories. You do not need to write perfectly or even make sense of everything. Putting emotions into words can help release some of the emotional weight.

Practice a Grounding Exercise

Remembering painful experiences or loved ones who have passed can feel overwhelming. Grounding exercises can help reconnect you to the present moment and calm the nervous system.

Take a deep breath and slowly look around you. Focus on your five senses:

What can you see?
What can you hear?
What can you feel?
What can you smell?
What can you taste?

This type of grounding exercise is commonly used to help reduce panic and bring attention back to the present moment.

Go for a Slow Walk Outside

Fresh air and gentle movement can help calm both the body and mind. Take slow breaths while walking and gently bring your attention back to the present whenever your thoughts begin to spiral.

Use Mindfulness or Meditation

Mindfulness exercises can help when emotions begin to feel overwhelming. One helpful example is the “Dropping the Anchor” meditation exercise:

Dropping the Anchor Audio Exercise

Do Not Isolate Yourself

Grief becomes even heavier when carried alone. If possible, spend time with someone supportive — a trusted friend, family member, fellow veteran, or even a pet. Even small moments of connection can help.

If you find yourself needing additional support, please reach out to your local VA hospital or clinic, connect with a mental health professional, or begin therapy services if you are able to. If you are a veteran or a military family member, the Veterans Crisis Line is there for you — call 988 and press 1, or text 838255.

If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or are in crisis, call 988, call 911, or go to your nearest emergency room immediately.

This Memorial Day, may we honor not only those who were lost, but also those who continue living with that loss every day.

Are you a clinician supporting clients through this season? I’ve written a companion piece for mental health professionals: Memorial Day and Therapy: What Clinicians May Miss.

Memorial Day and the Weight of Grief for Veterans and Military Families